I’m a list maker. An inventory taker. But as I look back on 2019, I can’t think of much to tally. In fact, the whole thing is a biiiiiig blur. (Maybe because my eyesight took more of a plunge this year. I really do need glasses.) Maybe because nothing “major” happened. We didn’t have any serious crisis! I didn’t travel, write a book, give birth, run a marathon or cure cancer.
But in my ripe old age of 37 I’ve discovered that the VALUE of my time is not determined by the PRODUCTIVITY of my time. And most of what we “accomplish” is immeasurable. Yet… I still crave some satisfaction by making a list. So lets see what we can drum up.
- Read 38 books for myself, and hundreds of books to the girls
- Took one family vacation (2 nights down to Cedar Breaks Nat’l Park/Brian Head)
- Wiped bums thousands of times
- Dragged children on dozens of hikes, a few of which were trails we hadn’t done before
- Shopped for, prepared, and cleaned up at least 1000 meals
- Replaced the refrigerator, outdoor freezer, fireplace, tires, TV, couch and console
- Cheered on RJ in callings, work and the backyard landscaping
- Accepted things about myself and the world:
- I don’t enjoy playing make-believe
- I don’t like arugula
- At odds with my love for the planet, I love ziplocks
- I need validation and its okay to ask RJ for it
- Its okay that my artistic hobbies are all just phases (2019 was the year that weaving and watercolor fizzled out)
- Its worth the quiet – let the kids watch TV for an hour
- Barbies are not totally evil
- The kids will usually outgrow whatever thing I’m freaking out about (and replace it with something new to freak out about)
- Let go of several traditions to make room for new ones
- Reconnected with dear friends from years ago
- Published 3 articles online (and had one poem rejected)
- Lost one dear friend to age (Christel Mueller). But another friend who really didn’t want to, survived the entire year!
- Was B&B to 21 people from 2 nights to 2 months
- Baked dozens of cakes
- Sent Georgia to Kindergarten
- Yelled at the kids less than the year before
- Got a lot more sleep than the 5 years before
- Kept the gym M/W/F and Trail T/TH exercise schedule
- Learned about intuitive eating
- Stopped spending energy on friendships that weren’t mutually beneficial
- Did 6 months of amazing budgeting and 6 months of… mindful spending
- Cut bangs, began considering coloring my white hairs
Flora just woke up, so its time to skedaddle. I doubt that was as satisfying for you as it was for me. But GOSH it feels good to make lists. And even an ‘uneventful’ year can look significant if you tally it up!
Really, though, the biggest takeaways from this year are not on this list. The biggest thing this year was learning, just a little, how to see people more fully, and to stop seeing MYSELF so much. I’ve got a long ways to go yet. But it has felt really good to be just a little less self-centered, and take things less personally. It has felt really good to see others, warts and all, and love them all the more for it. MUDITA!!!